I choose life and blessing

This past week has been amazing. Well, minus the skidding across a playground surrounded by 4-yr olds, landing in an unnatural split, crying like a baby AND then falling again that night, same day mind you, and hitting your head on the ground along with twisting the opposite knee. I know. I'm awesome. :) Well, I've just spent a lot of time with God and it has been really hard. I always find myself giving the generic answer that spending time with God is so happily amazing, but sometimes it is really exhausting and hard as hell. I finished a book, weeping mind you, about a young girl's journey to know God and follow His will. The journey, so full of disappointments, tears, anger, sorrow, suffering, fear, being taunted, glimpses of joy, promises, and yet when looking back, the most desirable journey to be on. I want the journey. I want to look back at all of the crap I've had to go through and all of the heart wrenching things, praising God as He reveals the bigger picture and showing me who I've become through the process. How glorious the day will be, when I can see the joy and peace which come from those scenarios instead of being engulfed in my own misery, or running from my fears. I am tired of running away, that's for sure....the only problem is how to stop. As I was continuing my reading through the book of Deuteronomy in the old testament, I came to Deuteronomy 30. My heart raced. Finally, the passion. What I've been looking to strive towards. What I've longed for. And though these couples of verses don't do justice to the entire passage, they stuck out the most to me.

Deuteronomy 30:6
[God, your God, will cut away the thick calluses on your heart and your children's hearts, freeing you to love God, your God, with your whole heart and soul and live, really live.]

Man! I need this! Through the years, I've just been so hardened to my surroundings...almost to the point where I battle to see the beauty. I see the negative. the sorrow. the pain. the anger. not the glory that can come from them. not the beauty that lies behind the broken person. I've gotten to the point where I was so tired and exhausted from seeing the sad things in life, that instead of helping, I turned away. I didn't want to help. I didn't want to have compassion. Somehow, there was a reason for the person to suffer. The last year, God has been bringing me out of that selfishness, but calluses remain and I want them gone. I want to see the hard things, but I also want to see the hope. I want to see the need, but also recognize how I can help the need. I want to see the suffering, but long to know how to comfort. I guess I used to be a person that saw only the positive. Then all of the negative (more recently) and I've been learning that you miss life when you deny one of these. You need both...and when coupled together, there is life.

Deuteronomy 30:10-16
[But only if you listen obediently to God, your God, and keep the commandments and regulations written in this Book of Revelation. Nothing halfhearted here; you must return to God, your God, totally, heart and soul, holding NOTHING back.
This Commandment that I'm commanding you today isn't too much for you, it's not our of your reach. It's not on a high mountain-you don't have to get mountaineers to climb the peak and bring it down to your level and explain it before you can live it. And it's not across the ocean-you don't have to send sailors out to get it, bring it back, and then explain it before you can live it. No. The word is right here and now-as near as the tongue in your mouth, as near as the heart in your chest. Just do it!
Look at what I've done for you today: I've placed in front of you
Life and Good
Death and Evil.
As I command you today: Love God your God. Walk in his ways. Keep his commandments, regulations, and rules so that you will live, really live, live exuberantly, blessed by God, your God, in the land you are about to enter and possess.]

WOW. There is so much in there. I am just so floored by the idea of my whole heart and soul. How do you do that?!? Gosh. to give everything...can you imagine? I am thankful that prior to reading this verse, just this past Sunday my pastor preached on the greatest commandment, to love God with all your heart, soul and mind. It sounds so simple, I mean come-on it can be written in one sentence...but to actually grasp that concept....I'm nowhere near that depth. BUT, it's cool that in the old testament, God clearly places a choice. Lays out the expectations. Shows the outcome. Allows us to chose. Wait, isn't that new testament stuff? I don't know, but I just am thankful for a God that doesn't choose for me. He's just and allows us to know in advance the consequences. He's glorious to allow us to return, even after we've cast him aside. He's loving because he warns us of the future choice. It's just amazing. I am still blown away by the entire passage and have only gotten a glimpse of the magnitude of the 20 verses encapsulated in Deuteronomy 30. Gosh! I am so appreciative and excited to serve the God that I do...and that I am always learning something new...that never gets old!