'til death do us part?

so, in the last two days, my mind has come to the question, am I willing to die for it?

Countless hours have been spent dwelling on this question. Tossing it around. Praying that my answer will be yes.

There is still fear. Maybe it's growing up where I did, not being as exposed to death. Maybe it's all the violent movies I've watched that show incredible brutality. Maybe I'm not as committed as I think I am. Maybe I'm selfish. Maybe I'm naive. Maybe I'm just a chicken. Whatever the case, there is still that looming fear.

My mind has contained this fear as just a stepping stone. Rather than being paralyzed by the mere contemplation of death and fearing it, I've begun to see it as a piece to the puzzle. After all, you can't be courageous if you aren't scared. right?

God did not give me a spirit of fear, but I'm going to allow God to use what the enemy meant to hinder, derail, and distract me to bring about victory.

Gosh, I just love that God is able to use all of the bad and bring about good. Whether we can relate to someone else, teach our children a different route, or bring about a solution/resolution. Whatever the case, I find it incredibly encouraging that God is able. beyond imagination. No choices I've made, or things I've avoided or people I've hurt or horror I've seen is too big for God to bring about good!

Every time I think about God's victory, I think about Joseph. I think about a child that was sold by his very own brothers into slavery. who was in prison. who ended up being king and saving a whole lot of people, not to mention the brothers that sold him off in the first place. Joseph is optimistic and I love it! When the brothers grovel, he just plainly states that what they meant for evil, has used for good. once a slave, now a king. Dealt an unjust hand, but returns that favor with blessings and forgiveness. That's what I aspire to be. I want my perspective to be in line. God is in control. Nothing is too big.

Sweet Relief.


So, that brings me back to the question, Am I willing to die for my belief? Wait, am I willing to die for my belief in a God that can use anything to bring about glory, who watched his only son die on the cross for everyone (even the ones who could careless and will reject him), a God that became a human in order to draw us near through his sacrifice... yea, I'm willing to die for that.