humility

So, a couple of months before I departed Wilmington, a friend of mine stated that she believed I would be going into a season of humility. I laughed and probably rolled my eyes thinking about how much of a genius I am and how she didn't know what she was talking about.

To my astonishment, this was the first step in my journey to humility. From there I've lost my job and though granted with a new one I now have the same job with a significant decrease in pay. This is when I found out how much worth was resting on my pay scale.

Then, I had to move. I always thought of myself as someone who made friends easily and always had enough. I soon learned that some friendships are merely facades and that long distance is truly difficult. I figured I would make friends instantly in a new environment only to find that across state lines, not everyone is enjoys the same things as my previous location. Another reveal about how much I relied on friendships for worth. Along with this move, I moved in with my grandparents, which I love, but seriously takes a toll on my pride. I felt like a failure and loser...that I couldn't make it on my own and that I was worthless.

After that, my father died. I always prided myself on a family that was together. Sure we have problems, some pretty dramatic ones at times, but of most of my friends I was the only one who had parents that stuck it out. That stayed together. That loved the Lord and that Loved each other. Stripped again of false worth.

I then had a phone that went haywire. Since I've been working on debt, I thought it would be ridiculous to spend obscene amounts of money on the phone I wanted, so I ran into Walmart and picked up a cheap go-phone for ATT, transferred sim cards and went on my way. I couldn't believe how embarrassed I was about my phone when it would ring or if people saw it. Once again, I was getting my worth out of a possession.

Finally, two days ago, my car died. Well, it technically runs, but it's loud and dangerous and needs $3000 worth of work for a $1000 car....yikes. Thankfully, I am living with my grandparents who had an extra car I could use for the time being, but that again is working on my pride. The car is old and has tape everywhere including the duck-taped side mirror. Let's just say, I am being trimmed of even more pride.

Who would think so much could happen in 3 months?

I don't know how much longer this season is, but I'm hoping it will be a quick transition, maybe to season of joy and freedom! But, I'm just going to trust in the Lord knowing that He is good that that all the things in my life are not to harm or hinder me but for me to progress. So, I cling to the verses that talk about walking out or faith and pressing on towards the goal. It's about the journey and our hearts and I know that in times like these, a guarded heart is such a strength. I'm just praying the Lord continues to allow me to cling to the word and learn new insights and avoid the easy route of bitterness, pain and destruction.




(I thought it was cool that I was searching for a pic of perseverance and this pic came up. Growing up, my dad had this pic on his desk and I always thought it was humorous!)